Support get/set the whole row of metaheader+weight+optimizer from backend for checkpoint saving/loading (meta-pytorch#3148)

Summary:
X-link: pytorch/FBGEMM#4429

X-link: facebookresearch/FBGEMM#1495


# Context
In our current KVZCH cp loading flow, we will keep hold of weight_id, weight, optimizer tensors throughout the checkpoint loading lifecycle, and at the end when all these tensors are downloaded in hand, we will explicitly call "apply_state_dict" to actually write them by chunk to the backend to ensure id->weight and id->opt are mapped correctly. The problem is when we have large number of weights, we will be short of memory since we need to hold all 3 tensors (double memory issue). To solve this challenge, we are going to save the whole row of (metaheader + weight + opt) as the same "weight" tensor during checkpoint saving, and when downloading the checkpoint, we will be able to extract the id from the header, and directly write the weight+opt part to the backend by id. When loading cp for optimizer, we added a no-op KVTensor, so it won't need to write to backend for optimizer states again.

# This diff
* added `backend_return_whole_row` flag in KVZCH params, with validation to make sure it's only True when opt_offloading is used
* added `read_only_` flag in KVTensorWrapper to be used for checkpoint calls. When read-only=True, all write operations to this KVT will be no-op
* added metadata recalc for optimizer state dict, because we are now returning read-only KVT for opt state dict, and model store will need to correct the global metadata before creating the save plan for KVZCH opt tensors
* updated dram backend and mem pool, so it can return the metaheader + weight + optimizer_state together, as well as set them back to backend (use pointers to skip metaheader part when write weight+opt to backend)
* by default the opt offloading and return whole row is False on trunk, so should not break existing KVZCH runs

Differential Revision: D77604158

Author: Jianbo Liu

torchrec/distributed/embedding.py

@@ -954,7 +954,17 @@ def _initialize_torch_state(self) -> None:  # noqa
                         (
                             [
                                 # assuming virtual table only supports rw sharding for now
-                                0 if dim == 0 else dim_size
+                                # When backend return whole row, need to respect dim(1)
+                                # otherwise will see shard dim exceeded tensor dim error
+                                (
+                                    0
+                                    if dim == 0
+                                    else (
+                                        local_shards[0].metadata.shard_sizes[1]
+                                        if dim == 1
+                                        else dim_size
+                                    )
+                                )
                                 for dim, dim_size in enumerate(
                                     self._name_to_table_size[table_name]
                                 )