quotes.txt

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
Age is of no importance unless you're a cheese.
Change is not a four letter word... but often your reaction to it is!
Every tattoo is temporary, because we're all slowly dying.
I am an early bird and a night owl... so I am wise and I have worms. 
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure. 
It could be that your purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others. 
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. 
The best things in life are actually really expensive. 
The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.
Well-behaved women seldom make history.
Work until your bank account looks like a phone number. 
A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory. 
Always remember that you are unique  –  just like everybody else.
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by then I was too famous.
Nothing is impossible, the word itself says I'm possible!
The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.
The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.
When I hear somebody sigh, Life is hard, I am always tempted to ask, Compared to what?
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
Bad decisions make good stories.
Dreams are like rainbows. Only idiots chase them. 
Happiness is just sadness that hasn't happened yet. 
I cannot afford to waste my time making money.
If the world didn't suck we'd all fly into space. 
Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to use the stairs, one step at a time.
Think like a proton. Always positive. 
When I'm sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead.
You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.
A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure. 
Be happy - it drives people crazy. 
Even a stopped clock is right twice every day. After some years, it can boast of a long series of successes.
Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.
I didn't fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
If you let your head get too big, it'll break your neck.
Life is like a sewer – what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing — that's why we recommend it daily.
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts. 
Too much of a good thing can be wonderful.
When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.
You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can't possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.
A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.
By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.
Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realise I should have been more specific.
I have a simple philosophy: Fill what is empty. Empty what is full. Scratch where it itches.
If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.
Live each day like it's your second to the last. That way you can fall asleep at night.
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me.
Trying is the first step toward failure.
Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.